Like why cant i make friends or enjoy life or feel safe or be happy or keep people happy or keep up with house chores etc… feels like everytime i struggle im stepping on toes and i struggle a lot. Just makes me feel so broken. And i blame my mom she seriously treated me like absolute garbage and still does until i cut her off. It makes me feel bad for myself tbh and i know that does nothing but idk how rlse to feel. My life is ruined because of how my mother treats me.
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Your mother likely did mistreat you, but it’s also possible a kind of narcissism underlies your focus on it. I hate that word, they got to change it, possibly to something like ego defensive blaming or something IDK, but I have become narcissistic at times angrily blaming my parents for things they did that I said caused my problems and mental illness, and they did at times legit mistreat me, but when not in a ‘narcissistic’ state the pressured accusatory thoughts against them just don’t exist, but I still have significant problems. I’m fine with my parents rn, even though at times I’ve been in a narcussistic rage against them. So I’m not saying your mom didnt mistreat you, but just that its possible you wouldnt even be affected by it or attributing stuff to it if you weren’t narcissistic. Not saying you are 100% definitely being narcissistic, and not trying to invalidate your trauma or feelings, but maybe think reframing your experiences as that might help you get past it and recover idk.
Thats a big assumption. My mom degraded me my whole teenage years and throfgout my 20s and she betrayed me so much and turned family members against me. On at least a weekly basis she would be so drunk she would violently attack my dad. The first memory i have is seeing her dig her nails in my dads neck and making him bleed as i screamed at her to stop and i was 5. She made me feel like ■■■■ about my weight issues. She let me date a pedophile as a teenager and he cheated on me the whole time. I tried to kill myself when i was 13 and my parents just told me not to do it again and did nothing else about it never even beought it up doesnt even remember it anymore.
Is that enough? I could go on
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I figured it was worse than I thought. I’m not saying you know youre a narcissist or whatever, but it’s possible that narcissistic blaming is the same thing whether the harmful actions of the other party are severe or not. It’s kind of like just what having the thought process and behaviour is called whether it is justified or not. If it’s like a persistent and personally stressful thought you are having, you should question if its coming from symptoms like narcissism rather than feeling so confident that this is the way you should be thinking and feeling due to how harmful your mom has been. I could be wrong about the whole narcissism interpretation, but I think even if false could be practical in working past the traumas.
You really shouldnt be on here telling me im a narcissist. I know myself and i am not. It is a fact that chronic childhood mistreatment causes CPTSD
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Some people move on from trauma my mom had a lot of trauma in her life and she’s full of life always talking me up. I don’t know if they have peoples testimonies in books how they overcame this. I don’t think a mentor would be good some people prey on people who have trauma. Therapy didn’t help me. Maybe it could help you. I grew up poor in a gang and would get jumped and in fights. To me that’s not trauma. I was just a bad kid. Are you doing like homework or effort to overcome this or are you expecting to get motivation and feel normal out of the blue. Overcoming conditioning in terms of traumatic thought loops takes work over a period of time. Therapy gives you homework assignments. What I’m saying is sometimes I would sit around and think things were gonna change and they didn’t until I was proactive taking baby steps in the right direction. I hope you get things figured out.
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Sorry, youre right. I’m not qualified to make diagnoses or things like that. Unfortunately the word narcissist is old and nasty sounding, but this just comes from my experience with mental illness. If youre offended flag my posts, so they will be hidden.
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Im trying to work on it but im struggling. I had a decade of therapy and it isnt touching this core feeling of being broken and like a burden and useless. My insurance doesnt cover therapy so i need to make a lot of phone calls to get it set straight if i can
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Don’t fall into the trap of victim mindset. I believe your mother treated you wrong. However you still can choose how to feel. Most of the things we experience are neutral. Its your choice how you feel about life. How you choose to for example appreciate the sun or grass or plants or animals like whatever theres so much to appreciate or you can choose to not care about these and look at yourself as there’s only bad things happening to you. I don’t mean to say your problems are less or don’t matter, really. I just cane to realisation that most of things are neutral and we CHOOSE to focus on good/bad things. I highly reccomend focusing on good ones. Like simple things wow the sun has arisen today how awesome there would be no life without sun yo. You can appreciate that. How sky is big and beautiful everyday. How plants are awesome. Its your choice every single day what you put your FOCUS on. It’s really important from the cognitive science point of view and i study that bullshit. Really nice to finally let go of depression to see the good things. And when you put trust in the fate it delievers. Love from God peace xx
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Also most of negative emotions comes from FEAR really. If you think about that you come to a similar realisation - anger,jealousy, whatever. Finding peace is actually getting to know what are your biggest fears and OVERCOMING it. Doing something about it. You are the only one in your head. If you want to get rid of negative emotions try to find what you fear and how your negative emotions influence you and why. Like look within you not on others. You really HAVE the power to change your worldview. I wish you all the best
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For further context i have autism, cptsd since 5, severe ocd since 6, adhd since 12, sza since 13, and functional neurological disorder since age 18. Its a lot of work managing all theae things on top of every day life that i find hard to manage too.
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Cut yourself some slack then your going thru a lot.
were all here with smi. Many with trauma.
I have decided to just roll with it whatever happens happens i cant carry on feeling ■■■■ most days yep im letting go of everything. To heck with it all
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And yes something is fundamentally wrong with smi or cracked brain or whatever. We live it day in day out going round in circles
Its fucked up
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I feel like im a piece of ■■■■ and i didnt feel that ubtil after my ex 5 years ago i wasnt trying to do anything wrong
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Hey moon, remember that you matter. Have you ever done positive affirmations? Can quickly eliminate negative self talk. At least when I tried it.
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I try but it just feels way too fake like im gaslighting myself into being positive about myself when i dont deserve to
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Ah okay. It does feel kinda weird doing that.
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What exactly dislike about you?
Your you nobody can be the same as you
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I dont know. I feel like im useless i guess. I dont do anything. I have a lot of bad thoughts that im told are ocd but i dunno. I just feel like an awful person with no true insight into all the harm i am causing everywhere i go and like ill never fit in because of who i am. Plus i cannot socialize well so theres that
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I dont fit in either
Im saying to hell with everyone and just doing me, whatever makes me happy. Most people are shallow anyway
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