I will tell one. One time I had the plumber come over and he was making noises kept going “ blech! Blech! “ it was funny
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Saw this recently…
A boy was screaming at Mom telling her water was coming out of the bathroom..
It was bottled water lol good one
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one time I spent the night in a san francisco jail for stealing a bucket to put my crabs in at fisherman’s wharf…judge dismissed the charges once he heard that.
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A kid from Philadelphia, born and raised, on the playground, where I spend most of my days, chilling out max and relaxing all cool, playing a lil b-ball outside if the school, when a couple of guys up to no good started making trouble in my nieghborhood. I got in one little fight and mom mom got scared, so she said youre moving in with your auntie and uncle in belaire…
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Haha I used to watch that show
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Yeah me too… i cant off hand remember the rest.. something about hailing a cab and dice in the mirror and saying go home to belaire
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Anyone else have a funny story to share?
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When I was about 14 a really big muscular guy wanted to fight me. I pretended to know kung fu and he ran away. True story.
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I have one from recentky… so a friend I used to talk to from overseas messaged me, asking for me to dl whatsapp, so having low speed internet I went to the nearby museum to use the wifi to do the dl. As I was talking to him outside of the museum I saw an RCMP cruiser pass in the distance. A little while later they came back and turned up the driveway to the museum. A mountie got out and said the museum folk called fearing I was gonna break in. I told him I’m using their wifi to call my buddy. He said OK and left. Then I went home and in unrelated busiess wrote an angry e-mail to some government agency I am dealing with. It was a really angry and hostile e-mail. I hit send, but instantly cooled off upon doing so and regretted it. The unsend option didn’t appear because I was offline due to turning off my data to use wifi. But the email was queued to be sent upon connection to the internet. My only option was to uninstall gmail completely. I did that, the angry e-mail disappeared. I wrote another e-mail saying I was going to make a complaint to the ombudsperson, and I did so.
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One time I was partying with this girl in my car and we were fooling around and we ran out of crack so we drove to the ATM. I got out of the car and walked over to the ATM. All of a sudden I hear a shriek from the car. The girl screams, “Your dicks hanging out.” I looked down and sure enough she was right. I wasn’t wearing any underwear and I was out and flopping in the breeze. I quickly tucked it back in and I came back to the car laughing, I thought it was hilarious but she was mortified which surprised me because she was a prostitute and I didn’t think something as innocuous as that could shock her.
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Here’s another one. When I was 18 my Dad took me overseas for graduation and he was all excited to go deep sea fishing he was pretending to reel in a fish and on the day we went he was like “ look rainstorm! A rainbow! “ ( there was a rainbow there ) and he was just so excited well we get on the boat and he gets sick as hell and we don’t catch anything and he was so sick he was just laying down the whole time and at the end of it he was like well I paid 500 $ to be sick for 4 hours haha
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Any more stories ?
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I spent the night in a crackhouse and stayed up all night and met a girl in there. In the morning she planned on coming with me in my car and we were planning on partying that morning. We walked out of the house and there was a bunch of people milling about on the front lawn and someone pointed out a car parked in front of the house and told us that was the police task force, in fact it said task force on the side of their car. Me and the girl got in my car and she put some paraphernalia on the passenger side floor. All of a sudden the task force guys got out of their car and came to me car and pulled the girl out. I had a couple of rocks on me and a crack pipe and I put them in my shirt pocket.
The cops pulled me out too and separated us and then two cops started interrogating me. They were trying to bust us and they were asking how I knew her and how long I knew her and where we were going. The cop said, look we know she’s high. I’m not usually a fast thinker but I realized they were going to search me and find the cocaine at any second so I turned it back on them and I acted all indignant and I said, “Well, I’m not high!”
This worked, they stumbled all over each other trying to assure me that of course they knew I wasn’t high and they practically apologized for insinuating it. Of course, I was high as a kite but it was funny because the indignant act probably stopped me from going to jail and I think they took the girl to jail.
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I’m up with insomnia again so I’ll try to remember a story… this one comes from around 2013… I had recently moved back into my parents house after living in a rented room in an apartment of some older guy named Jeff. I had run out of money after losing my job at a food processing plant for not passing the Raymond reach truck test (years later on paliperidone I was forklift trainer for those and others). I had re-enrolled in university with a congratulatory letter from a truck and coach mechanics course I had taken to prove academic capability. While staying in that apartment I lived off student loans, and took the courses online. For part of that time the other roommate was a Jamaican with schizophrenia who was symptomatic most of the time, but we got on well. He moved out and a new guy named Darren moved in, we became buddies and went to bars and to a party where I got kicked out for being too crazy. I lost my wallet that night, had to take the subway home without paying and recieved a call from the police a while later to retrieve my wallet minus my SIN card which is irreplaceable. I ran out of money around Christmas and moved back in with my parents telling them I was still enrolled in university. I can’t remember when, but it was after moving in with my parents that time that I burned out the engine of my motorcycle going top speed down the 401 towards Kingston a little under the influence at around 2 or 3 am. I basically failed or dropped all the courses I was enrolled in that term, and became more unwell as time went on. I ended up in the drunk tank after being over-served, getting in a bar fight, being bounced out and smashing up some newspaper boxes outside the bar with a traffic cone. Shortly after that I left my parents house one night to go to the nearby strip club, but ended up at the airport on a plane to my old university town.
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Anyway, still not sleeping… When the airplane landed in my old university town, I remember exiting the plane being held up and remarking outloud to “let this thing blow its load” and a guy turning around to comment how “scientific” that comment was. After departing the aircraft I rented a car, as I still had a valid drivers and motorcycle licences. I had no money in the bank and just the remaining credit on two credit cards I held, a visa and mastercard. I drove to the store first to buy food, where I saw two women from university who I recognized from years before who seemed to mock me. I ignored them, and left the store with my purchases. I probably only had a couple thousand dollars credit remaining on the cards. I drove to a hotel that I had first stayed in almost ten years prior when I came to the city for tree-planting. I paid for a months stay there. I guess I had intended to resume university studies, but I was in a subthreshold psychotic state, normless, and disorganized. I spent the month drinking at the hotel bar and others nearby. One key event happened one night when a girl spontaneously french kissed me and asked for a long island iced tea. I bought it and the bar closed soon after with her following me to my room. She stopped in the lobby and had a panic attack or something. I don’t exactly remember why but I went back up to the bar and grabbed the guy who she last talked to by the lapels and pushed him against the bar, but I was ambushed from the side by a group of his friends. The guy who had grabbed me pushed me as I backed away from the group until I hit a wall. One girl with them stabbed me in the throat with a pool cue. I kind of fought them off and retreated down the stairs with another guy following me. Outside I was grabbed by the police and thrown into a snowbank. I was taken to the hospital and admitted to the psychiatric ward.
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After maxing out my credit cards I had no money. For whatever reason I didn’t apply for social assistance. I went to my old weed dealers house and he turned me away. I then went to the bikers house where my buddy Pat had lived years before and found he was still there. He was on the top floor of the house with his fetal alcohol syndrome girlfriend, important to the story, and the guy in the basement who I never met was a crack dealer who died of some terrible illness during the time I was there. Pat let me sleep on his couch for a while and told me if I give him $100.00 I could stay at his girlfriend’s apartment. I got my dad to send me the cash, and Pat took me to a urine soaked filthy apartment in the second story of an old house. A guy named Charles had been staying there, seemed to piss himself when he got drunk, so without much money I bought a mattress cover and a new blanket and pillow from Walmart. I cleaned the apartment as best I could, but it truly was filthy. I stayed there until Pat’s girlfriend got angry that Charles wasn’t there anymore, she was polyamorous with him, and called the cops on me to have me evicted, but I never answered the door. She even went as far as to end her tenancy so I had to move out. Pat then kicked her out of his apartment and let me move in with him. She had nowhere to go then, but moved in with her dad I think. After a while Pat’s buddy who was in the pool table and arcade business gave me a job moving old arcade machines and pool tables, which he never paid me for except for a few bucks here and there and letting me stay at his house. There was a guy there named Mike who was much bigger and stronger than me who was always trying to fight, until one night he went crazy kicked the bathroom door down, smashed my face into the sink, I dodged under his arm, ran from the house jumped barefoot off the high steps and sprained my ankle upon landing. At that point I must have been avoiding homelessness for over a year, but had no money, was injured, sick in the head, and Mike probably was going to kill me no matter where I went in that social circle… so I went to the hospital to get crutches and then Salvation Army.
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I once knew this guy, and he knew this gal. And one night they went to the liquor store for a pint and smokes. Then they got nekkid.
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I stayed at the salvation army for a month or two without any means of finding employment or housing. Despite this one day they sent me and an injection drug user who also had psychosis out to look for housing, he said he had a few bucks so he bought beers for us and we drank them under a bridge in a ravine. We went to a couple apartments for rent, but we kind of understood how pointless it was. We then went to an arcade owned by one of the guys I had moved machines for, and played games there. I think since he knew me he gave us a bunch of free plays. We returned to the shelter and sometime later the salvationist woman who worked there said she knew about the drinking, implying we had been followed. Eventually I was put into contact with a community health team after disclosing sz to get disability , and was moved into a rooming house. The rooming house was basically a trap to be force treated against my will, injected with paliperidone without follow up. Became increasingly psychotic from rebound psychosis. Moved into another house once getting disability, long story short eventually stayed on paliperidone from then in 2016 to 2022.
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I played Phase 10 with my friends in college. As a joke I put a card up my sleeve. In class afterward I gave a presentation. I forgot it was there. I raised my hand to point and the card shot out. The whole class went in an uproar after that. I lost street cred.
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I pissed myself on stage at an award ceremony in 3rd grade.
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