If something doesn’t work try something different. That’s what I do..If I’m down I try this, if it doesn’t work I try that. I’m easy going my life was hell. I grew up in a dumpy apartment in a gang fighting all of the time and in trouble. Worked in factories long hours overtime. Went to college 17.5 years sometimes while working sometimes not. I worked myself to death. Going out every night drinking. Now, I value peace. I can sit and do nothing and feel satisfied. Maybe you have a need in you to live. Maybe volunteer or just have a routine go to a bookstore everyday read there and get a coffee or just sit there. Go for a walk. If you feel unfulfilled no routine will make that go away. You just gotta find a way to live. I here you in pain everyday talking and it feels like to me based on what you say you feel you haven’t lived. I hope you find fulfillment in the simple things one day. Fantasy is always greater than reality. Most of life sucks. Enjoy your freedom.
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