You are okay. As long as I see you try I won’t get impatient. Humans make mistakes.
I just finished reading Allen Carrs Easy Way to stop smoking. Now I know you have ADHD given the above posts. But something it taught me, and also therapy in the past has taught me. Is that you must always reframe things psychologically.
When you have an issue such as addiction, like the book discuses. You have to come to terms with the facts and also change your perspective to the dominant perspective. Meaning the perspective that will overpower how you view the issue at hand at the moment.
Wishing you a speedy recovery. Good luck.
One thing you can do is focus on this moment - is violence happening right now? No. So you can put it behind you and focus on something else.
Another thing is reality checking with someone you trust.
You can call crisis lines to talk it out.
You can get engrossed in activities - do ones that require your attention
I totally understand your fears. I d spent many years afraid I’ll bd tortured. These are my coping mechanisms that have helped me.