What do you think would help you heal?
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yes, its getting colder, but we probably wont get snow where i am. its raining today though, which i like. just went for a walk down the road in jacket and rain pants..
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It could be that we’re looking at the past with rose tinted glasses too. Well maybe i am IdK about you.
Before I used to be more confident and stuff but also somewhat arrogant and impulsive. No im not thst arrogant or impulsive but I lack self confidence.
How do you feel day to day?
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Yeah, I remember now. the best I felt was not travelling and having freinds and weed and a boy friend and money.
It was after I tried hitchiking by myself and got scared, came home and realized the fragility of life. that was humbling and the best i’ve ever felt.
I feel bored day to day.
How do you feel?
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Thats a good question. I used to think maybe if I had a gf but it would be wrong to make them responsible of all my happiness.
I feel like it would be pursuing a hobby but ive let myself down so many times in the past that im deeply ashamed to try again. But thats the very trap I find myself in.
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I think you need a hobby and a girlfriend
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haha I gotta call it like it is
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Honestly, I would try to focus on what you’re grateful for right now in your life. The stability the opportunity. The the peace that you do enjoy
That puts you in a better place to meet someone
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This gona sound crazy but havng bf gives me a tiny bit of confidence for work. I dont feel bad bout it cos my bf sees us like a team so its both ways
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That’s not crazy at all
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Ben Stiller creeps me out
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Yeah i feel like i need those two things as well. I just need to get myself out of this mental quagmire.
Even just a casual thing would be nice to be fair. But I think a long lasting relationship is rhe end goal for me
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That does sound like a profound experience with you realising life’s fragility. I thought I learned that lesson in my NDE in 2023, well it wasnt quite an NDE but it couldve gone that way. Basically I threw myself in front of a car that was travelling at moderate speed (while I was deeply in psychosis).
I feel the same. Just bored but I think thats a normal feeling. What i dont feel is stuff that makes me feel alive. Or it could be that feeling alive is neutered in some way.
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Good Greetingzzz!
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I got back from visiting a Cafe to buy a take away puppicino for my elderly gentleman dog.
I walked in and said goodmorning and the waitress/cashier/ barista ignored me and looked over my head to the couple behind me and wished them both a goodmorning etc .
While taking my order she spoke down at me and acted stuck up and disrespectful and hateful actually .
I ordered a take away puppicino.
The other woman wasnt seeminhly visibly that way.
I wish i had of just walked out.
If they treat me with such disrespect then another Cafe would be more deserving of my money and having me as customer.
One that is respectful to all its customers and professional etc .
I have been soooo bully vibed and disrespected.
Went to gym and felt attacked spiritually and all gyms tried were that way.
Unwelcoming and disrespectful.
Also had woman say im not allowed to exercise.
When i did anyway i felt attacked and opressed in ways.
Wont say lies been told bout ne n how set up n nasty stuff did to me n stole n how genius to ger every one seemingly all cultures n religions disrespecting n hating on me n excluding n isolating etc.
Things arent always as they seem.
Thankfully i had a shower and am now having a home made coffee.
Bought a puppicino and nothing else and he didnt want it.
He smelt it and walked away.
Hope you guyzzz are well.
.
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oh, sorry that you did that. Glad you’re ok and better functioning now.
I think it is a really meaninful lesson, realizing that life is fragile. makes you appreciate things.
i think the meds do reduce excitement. except I get excited when i read science books sometimes. but yes neutured to an extent.
I think the rest of the numbness is due to not having an achievable wish for a better future.
I found this video kind of helpful
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Anyone ever had a crush on a content creator like on Instagram or TikTok? I have a major crush going on and it’s agony lol
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Hey thanks for the video, I saved it to my watch laters.
And thanks, I still think about it from time to time. The impact of the car, I still remember.
Glad you can feel excitement when you read though. Ive been questioning everything I feel nowadays lol its awful. Like I dont feel excitement anymore because I think jt doesnt exist for me now.
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Listening to Nick Drake, Time has Told Me.
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Yes Annabelle Kline. Shes beaufiful, a DJ and content creator catering to all things hiphop and rnb.
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