hi whoever’s reading. i talked about this briefly in Say Anything #9 but i really cannot tell whether or not i have the schizo- side of schizoaffective disorder. i’ve speculated for a while that my symptomology regarding SZ has higher emphasis on the disorganized symptoms vs the positive ones but i remember vividly experiencing everything only when (the feeling i now know as mania) would kick in. i was actually previously diagnosed with “severe bipolar w/ psychotic features” for a while, …really starting to think that that’s what i’ve had the whole time, much as i was convinced i also had schizophrenia for a … long time. (doesn’t help that my eldest sibling has it, only increased my chance of getting it)
… i still do have issues communicating verbally kind of often (i often forget what i’m saying as i speak), i feel like my mind’s constantly submersed in a dissociative haze, i … have this unexplainable strong draw towards the abstract & surreal because it feels like home to me, i have weird unfitting emotional reactions to stuff sometimes, and my affect’s generally pretty flat, i’m pretty chronically paranoid that everyone’s out to get me … but i can’t even tell if this is schizo- fueled or if it’s just other disorders i have coalescing into something that i just think is SZ. it kind of scares me to think about.
i’ve been freaking out over this for a while because i thought i finally figured out what was wrong with me that people just always notice but it’s like the path never ends. i plan on talking to my psychiatrist n therapist about all of this cause i feel like i’ve been going insane. i pray this doesn’t just read like i’m an idiot much as i feel like one.
1 Like
So long as the meds work, I wouldn’t get too hung up on the diagnosis.
4 Likes
they do. the most i experience whilst on them is severe depression but i think that’s just tied to life not being the best for me right now n it being worse in the past haunting me a ton.
thanks for the input.
2 Likes
Diagnoses often change as drs get to know their patients. My advice is to be totally transparent with your psychiatrist so that your treatment helps regardless of the actual diagnosis
1 Like
I think you’re a little bit preoccupied. I was upset about my diagnosis for a long time. I didn’t want to be schizophrenic. I thought I should be understood as acutely psychotic. All these terminologies are subject to change. Treatment is contingent on dialogue with our doctors.
I wouldn’t preoccupy yourself
1 Like
yeah, i think i shouldn’t preoccupy myself-i’ve done that enough n all it does is just make me feel worse and scared regarding me never finding out what’s wrong with me.
thanks for the input.
you’re right-i plan on actually being thorough next time i see them both, yeah.
thanks for the input.
1 Like
What does no hate as a cold star mean?
1 Like
it’s the title of this ambient song i love dearly.
1 Like
What is the meaning of the term though?
1 Like
oh i have No idea. it just captivates me as a sentence cause of how abstract it sounds.
1 Like
My tagline is a Curtis Mayfield track from his late career. Can I share it?
1 Like
yeah go ahead! i’m unfamiliar but i always am interested in hearing stuff i’ve not heard of before
this is Smooth. i’m rocking with it
1 Like
I cant stress that enough
Truthfully I dont think my mania was that serious BUT my meds help so why mess around
I still dont think I have sza anymore I HAD MANIA BEFORE thp
2 Likes
