Gonna put myself out there ..need advice

Diagnosed Sz or Sza
1

Guys i really need your help and honest opinion about something im going through. This post is gonna make you hate me but im posting it because I have to tell someone about what goes on in my brain.

I am going to describe an interaction I just had and I would like you to tell me what you think this really is.

Sat outside

Saw a guy that I enjoyed talking to an old musician

Wanted to run back into the house

Tried to sit still so he didn’t see me

He got out the car and saw me

He said hi

My anxietyshot through the roof

I said hi not looking at him

He said look what I just got"

I remained seated

He said “can you walk”

I walked over to him

I saw his car and my ocd said it was a junk car

I then felt really petty and confused (as always)

I remeber im on public housing and this is a guy working for the housing authority.

I feel even more ridiculous and hideous

He opens his trunk and shows me a beautiful MPC he just got. Like the top of the line

First reaction was relief from the( poor guy) nonsense

He then talks about his new gear

I feel jealousy because I wanted that exact MPC

I brush it off

The emotion comes again

I try to suppress it

It floods my body

I try to pretend im calm

He says we should set up a meeting so we can do some music

I tell him to share it when he uses his new gear

I feel fake because I didn’t care at that point I just wanted to run in the house.

I say well just come by or hit me up

He say ok

I then give him a fist pound to try to assert that my intention is actually to collaborate but im flooded and sick

I come in the house and condemn myself

I then think all my neighbors are reading my mind and watching this all happen

The shame and humiliation take hold.

Wtf is wrong with me guys?

@FreeLunch @Schizbro @shutterbug

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Well, at least you can recount it with detail so you’re remaining lucid. I think you’re over analyzing your experience as it takes place and you have to accept the fact that thoughts come and go. They don’t identify us

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I get this sometimes. When I had to deal with the cable guy, furnace and air guy, the mall people, and customer service all in the same day I wanted to run away and my voices amped up when I came home I was so exhausted I took a long nap. I can relate.

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Sounds like social anxiety and social aversive disorder or something

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Yea man… i think ive built habits of fear and shame. I feel like a piece of :poop:

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Be cool with the guy man he could be a good friend

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Social anxiety sucks cos we are social creatures. I can relate.

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I’m not a social creature much, I do fine alone.

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Just took a walk to the train tracks ..feeling good about myself but i think it was foolish

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@Schizbro

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Any reason you heading to the tracks? Because it is an isolated area? Just wondering. Be careful around those trains bro.

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Yea… its isolated. I thought but people are around.

Gonna find another spot. I had to get out of the house

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I don’t like walking around too many folks either. I usually walk in the morning when people arnt out and in the evening after dark. I’ll be going to the track nearby to run and walk in the spring/ summer / fall

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Thats exactly what I thought. 4am or like 10 pm. Thing is I have a treadmill so the walk is for my mental health

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Yeah 4am is great time to walk as soon as you wake up is the best time i hear actually.

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It sounds like social anxiety, and that’s not anything to be ashamed of. You got through it too. Good job! Others may have fallen apart in the beginning or middle of it all. You got through it. Maybe you could start working on dealing with social situations with a therapist. It might help you.

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Nice, the sunset looks quite peaceful.

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You’re being really hard on yourself here. Social anxiety is real, and no one here hates you because of it.

I know you feel embarrassed and that’s a valid feeling whenever we look back and think of social situations that made us uncomfortable.

When I have an interaction that was awkward I tend to replay it in my head for days.

At work the other day I asked an awkward question and my brain spun it into I’m guaranteed to be fired, which is a massive leap. I’ve been replaying it in my head for a few days now and it’s not helping me.

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Im glad you guys understand. Its a horrible feeling. And yea… the rumination is soo u helpful… I wish it was easier to just walk away mentally and get on with life.

Thank you guys for the kind words… Unfortunately…that was the beginning of a pretty awful night but im recovering emotionally today.

I dont have strong empathy..but if you guys have been through the feelings I have I feel you..deeply I guess. Its very hard to feel so wrong @Lilyofthevalley @Zoe @Hemy @77nick77

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I’m glad you’re a little better today.

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You interacted with him just fine, but… there’s a lot going on in your head.

I’m the same but that’s because I have social anxiety.

You, and I do it also. Which means we read into things in the wrong way.

Have you talked to a doc about your ocd and social anxiety?

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