I feel eo out of place with every group ive tried to fit into .. i was told im in a chosen family yet no one but my partner talks to me outside of family events. My own hirth family never talks to me. Even when they didnit felt like they didnt care about me. I feel worthless like my mother has said i am and like no one would ever be interested in me but my partner… He cant meet all my needs… I even feel like hed like other people more than me. I dont want to be alive i cant handle this feeling or constant rejection and suffering feom this or that. Too many mental issues.
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IDK, maybe you can just do some basic things to feel a part of something and accepted. Maybe a volunteer job where you’re all working for a common goal. Maybe take some kind of fun class like pottery or woodworking or something. Something where there’s not a lot of pressure for big deep relationships but just a group of people with common interests who are trying to have fun and aren’t in the position to judge each other. Just mangling with people, I’m sure your partner would be pleased to see you interacting with someone besides him. Or join a support group where you can use your life experience to help other people. Everyone has something to offer other people. You’ve been through some stuff in life and I’m sure your experience can help other people.
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hey moon, youll pull through. hope you feel better quickly… maybe you just need some self care rn. I know things can seem dark but itll get better 
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Problem is i have abaolutely no social skills anymore. If i dont have my partner there to help me sovialize i fall apart completely. Amd thats a lifelong problem for me i just dont know how to make friends. Im autistic that doesnt help. Sza makes it worse. Trauma makes it a million times worse. Ive been told im fat, annoying, useless, but also kind and compassionate. Some people have called me a narcissist others have called me an angel. I never know what to believe about myself. Am i a goodnperson whos done bad things or a bad person whos kidding themselves?
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You don’t strike me a bad person. And I rather admire your spirit and spunk. I think you have something to offer other people. I’m not good socially either and have little confidence and self esteem but people at work overlook those drawbacks because I’m friendly and just trying to get along. Not having social skills isn’t a crime, as long as you’re trying a lot of people will overlook your shortcomings.
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I try but its like no one wants to socialize with me truly. I dont know how to keep a conversation going. I know its a lot my fault. Otherwise it wouldnt be everyone in my life. I am just kind of flat and monotone and have little to say yet i want people to talk to me. I like people who can carry a conversation well for two people lol. My partner is one of those
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I feel worthless too
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hope you feel better too rainstorm… these things pass, stay strong!
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Feelings like those don’t really reflect anything real, only your dissatisfaction with things. The world, especially the social world, can be a very scarce and sometimes hostile place for the kinds of desires we have. I have almost totally rejected it. If I was engaged in even a little IRL socializing I would most likely feel crap, so I reject it. It can be ok to socialize sometimes, but thinking it is real is the first wrong assumption imo, the way people act and think etc. is completely fugazi and our sensitivities to it set us up for a lot of distress.
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i think it’s good that you have your partner to talk to. i relate to your feelings of not fitting in. maybe focusing on something outside of other people will help? have you considered getting a pet? that could also be helpful. you sound a bit depressed and overwhelmed to me. maybe you need different positive things to focus on, like hobbies. i also second working on your self-care. i hope you feel better, but know that it will take time.
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I would advise reading
The Marginalian – Marginalia on our search for meaning. The Marginalian – Marginalia on our search for meaning.
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you doing ok today @moon ?
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Still feeling down but doing better
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Your words were helpful to me too, thanks.
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Im glad it helped a bit. Just a bit of stream of consciousness on the topic, but its how I feel.
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I feel worthless and marginalized all the time, it is just the thing, do I even care anymore - that is anyone’s guess. Onwards and upwards with an indifferent attitude, could be the key observation of it all. 
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