She doesn’t understand that the last time I was even remotely happy and connected to reality was age 12/13
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That’s sad. I think about Fernando a lot. If I ever loved anyone, I loved him. he was beautiful and sweet. I found him in Madrid. He married someone else. a good friend of mine.
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best not to dwell in the past…even if it makes you happy…make new memories…try to find hope…hope snowballs once you get enough of it.
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I guess it’s because you’re melancholic, you have nostalgia about your past that you talk that much about it
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Jermaine just wants you to be more in the present
Lol
*She may
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According to “that book” I always mention, where those bearded chaps went and lived in the desert (you know the one); there is a fine line with the past.
Yes, we can go over the past to reflect on what we’ll do better today. Or, in anxiety, we go over the past and dwell there as a means to escape the reality of the present.
If its an escape from the reality of the present, we should consider what we spoke about the other night (about carrying). In addition, we carry 3 “buckets” which help us determine which thoughts are worthy of our attention: the bucket of control, the bucket of influence, and the bucket of neither control nor influence. It’s easy to be tempted to think we have way more control over things in our lives than we actually do. For this reason, we get deceived into thinking about things we have no control nor influence over. Rather than cutting off these thoughts, we manifest and they captivate us. The result is a lot of noise in our minds.
This is the reality of our illness, and I bet its more common among our demographic than we think. So don’t be too hard yourself bud 
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I ruminate a lot too.Illness or not,I don’t find anything wrong..
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Lol I signed up to this board becuase this thread struck a chord.
Someone said to me over a decade ago that I was stuck in the past because I have nothing else. I think that is true. If you don’t have many meaningful things to do in the present you are gonna think about things that were meaningful to you in the past.
To move on you need to take up new activities, get out there and meet new people. You will still hold on to your memories and fondness of people from the past etc.
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Welcome to the forum!
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I think about how at peace I used to be.