Dr not available I'm adrift without anchor. Who am I kidding?

Diagnosed Sz or Sza
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who am I kidding? I’m still not better. deeply depressed, nearly catatonic. slow. dead. indecisive. unable to function. hubby doesn’t seem to think there’s a need for emergency. says why don’t I do the laundry or take a shower? or he can buy me a cappuccino? read a chapter of Quran? doesn’t seem to take charge. in my getting help. I can’t do any ■■■■■■■ chores right now! I wish he’d leave me alone to rot!

Ohhh God I phoned outpatients and they said dr is off, not there. can’t speak to him. the receptionist just said go to emergency. im adrift without anchor. resisting emergency room because hubby not forcing me to go. I don’t wanna go!! can’t my meds just kick in and stop my need?? Can’t somebody take charge of me?

:sob::sob::sob:

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I can’t make any decisions right now, so I’m just relying on others to move me around. My strings are cut

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I’m so sorry you are suffering right now so much…I hope you get to where you need to be in your headspace.

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Can you take a PRN to help calm you down? You seem very distressed. I think you said you had a benzo.

Going to the hospital might help, they can help treat you immediately rather than waiting for seeing a doctor or waiting around for them to call back.

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When I used to read religious books they said don’t speak bad things into existence. Sometimes I’m deluded and say to myself everything is good and I’m happy until I believe it. My psychiatrist only watches comedy sitcoms, doesn’t watch the news, and watches Instagram reels. He’s always happy and he listens to everyone’s problems. His wife has lupus and kidney disease and his parents are dead. He tells me to do things like him and to celebrate small victories. I wish you more good days than bad days, that’s how you win the game.

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I feel so unhappy in my marriage but I’ve got nowhere else to go. No money no job, no disability. I wish I could live in a group home in assisted accommodation. Or with my sister and parents. But how when there’s no money? The only money is my husband’s. My husband is not a bad man but I don’t get on well with him anymore. He’s too into religion and I don’t like it anymore. I’ve lost love and respect for him and I lost love and respect for myself. My illness has clouded my life and I don’t know who I am anymore… I’m so deeply depressed all I want to do is die …:sob::sob:

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There’s no way out for me. No other way. Just oblivion…

:sob::sob::sob:

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you need to see a doctor, a cappicino is not going to help your sz. Please go to the hospital

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It seems like your in a major crisis i think its at the point you should go to the hospital

Im rooting for you

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hubby says “is it that bad that you want to go to hospital? what is suicide going to benefit you Saadiqah?” that’s what he said.

I don’t know what to say to that…

He also asked what do I want?

I don’t know what to say to that either.

I don’t know what I want.

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Once I was like that and took too many antipsychotics, and had to go to the emergency room for an overdose, so be careful.

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Maybe an antidepressant could help you.?

I do not know.

You know better

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I have a friend who is on the antidepressant sertraline. He loves it. But idk how it would be for you.

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Antipsychotics take time to sink in. Maybe you need a hospital because it could change your mind about your husband which is probably bad because you are not well. It will also bring you to good health. Don’t make any rash decisions whilst ill. Get well soon

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