Tonight was fun. Went out into town to party at a venue but I just couldn’t muster the courage to go up to a girl and mingle. Went home empty handed. Felt a great fear in me to do it even though I had an opportunity. Feel like a loser. I was hanging with my friends who are a boy and girl couple. Third wheeling all the way.
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At least you hung out with friends
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Unlikely to talk to someone and seal the deal in same night. It happens though. I don’t know if it’s the psychiatric condition in this case, but it makes stressful social interactions more difficult in general.
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Wasn’t even up for sealing the deal. Just having a conversation and getting a number would be enough. Anything further would be a bonus. I’m just a massive loser in life when it comes to these things.
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eh you can do that any day of the year. NYE is made out to be a big night with big expectations, but life doesn’t play out based on hype and expectations. You’ll find someone, just take care of appearance, hygiene and stay socially connected and it will happen
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Being single for four years does something to me. I feel unconfident around getting with girls now. But I want this to change this year. I am socially connected and taking care of my appearance and hygience etc.
I just feel like im not doing enough to put myself out there. Like I can go out to a venue and dance and all that jazz but when it comes to approaching a girl i just get ■■■■ scared. I want that to die.
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I’m over 40 now, I had years like that and I also had years where I was sitting and chatting with really nice women. I wasn’t on meds until ten years ago, and am single now and don’t care. I don’t long for anyone. If youre a nervous type like I was then maybe high pressure meetings with strangers is not the right way. Get involved in community activities, school clubs that sort of thing. Get to know people organically instead of with an elevator pitch for their number.
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Awww man, none of us are losers. Sz can make it a little difficult to break the ice in social situations. @Schizbro makes some really solid points too. Bars and clubs are often considered more of the “meat market” because people use them more for quick hook ups. Maybe try going to a church, synagogue, or local temple if you’re spiritual at all. That’s where you’ll meet quality people.
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I’m usually disinterested in people because I don’t trust people. I do the same approach with women. I talk to them but don’t expect anything. They’ll let me know if the want to keep talking or more. It was funny sometimes when id go out if i talked to a woman for like 10 minutes then they’d bring up something like oh my husband likes that too or I wonder what my husband is doing. I always thought it was funny. Just a way to get rid of dudes fast. Ha damn women.
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I agree with @Montezuma that no one here is a loser. If I weren’t married, I’m sure I’d struggle to meet new people, too. I think it’s great that you go out. Even if you didn’t say hi to someone this time, it sounds like you’re taking the right steps to be prepared in the future. I’ll be rooting for you!
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Look at it differently. What if the person was a little average in mindset and would have berated you for having a MH diagnosis and health. What if they were super controlling and went onto take advantage of you. or what if the social awkwardness was so visible she would brush you off in an offensive way
Sometimes we’re saved from more problems by not meeting others. This time may have just been on of those times,
It doesn’t mean to give up, it just means it wasn’t meant to be this time
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Eh, those functions aren’t all that. You meet the best women in shared activities with shared interests. Unless you just want a bootay call?
Never thought of you as a loser, either.
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You a cool dude man! Don’t let those thoughts get to you! Hope you’re feeling better now
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It can happen to not succeed to muster the courage to talk to a girl and it’s okay
You’re not a loser for being a human
Just keep trying, try some breathing exercises before going to the girl
Maybe for next time put a paper with your number in your wallet and if you see a girl you’re interested in you give the paper to her
No need to talk if you’re anxious, just give the paper to her
And if she’s interested she will send you a message
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I can put myself out there but actually approaching a girl is so intimidating. Like looking back i could have said something like “Happy New year! How is your night going?” Or just say anything really.
It just felt so humiliating because without sounding like an vain arsehole, I’m a good looking guy but its just my confidence is really low.
I just dont know how to increase my self worth, or confidence or seek understanding that really its all about me at thr end of the day. I dont want to increase my confidence to get girls, I just want to feel good about myself first, anything after that is a bonus
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Thanks a lot @shutterbug.
And yeah regarding shared interests, technically that night was a shared interest event in terms of the type of dance music they played there. I could have just struck up a convo about music and stuff like that tbh. Ah well. I need to focus on myself more I feel.
And a bootay call would have been nice ngl haha
I like you. I’m sad that you feel like a loser because you’re obviously a good guy. Being a good person is way more important than being cool/popular. Not that that’s what you’re wishing for.
That said, everyone needs relationships in life. We’re social creatures. I hope you join in some hobbies or a faith based organization or something so you can meet a woman you share interests with and who is a good person like you are.
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Often times what’s popular is not best lol like top 40 radio music and coca cola…. They’re both popular but not good. I’d rather indie music and some real fruit juice.
I wouldn’t worry too much about being popular haha
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Totally fair. Just don’t sell yourself short. You’re intelligent and kind, it has consistently shone through in your posting history. When you have trouble believing in yourself here’s a reminder that others do.
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I completely agree! That’s what I meant in my post. It sounds good in theory but really is very unimportant and can even be difficult on the psyche due to peer pressure etc.
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