A wave of depression is threatening to take me over now… publish my book and die…I don’t have much to live for. I’m irresponsible and dependant on others, a liability, can’t even work and be a responsible adult I’m a 41 year old child… How will I EVER make a success of my life now??? With my illness crippling my mind like this? Is it my fault? Can a better attitude cure me? Am I ill through my own fault in my choices?
I really feel this way like life is over for me. Nothing to live for anymore… I can’t even fast for Ramadan I have no self discipline or strength. I feel so bloody useless!
I’ve felt all these things, but I don’t feel depressed now or want to die. I’m gonna get older this is the only time I’ll be this age 45. I’m gonna get more feeble. I need to take action now so I won’t be a burden. I have no kids. Who will I be a burden to ? The healthcare industrial complex. We all think what you wrote down. No one talks about it. When I feel down I do stuff, stay busy then I feel like I’ve accomplished something for the day. I hope you overcome these thoughts. Hey, maybe they are true. No need to dwell on them. During the week I stay busy even if I’m moving around for nothing. Then I relax on the weekend. I don’t know if you have a routine. Without a routing I would feel purposeless than I’d catastrophize about every little things. Hang in there.
I was severely depressed for over 20 years. Constant trip to the psych ward. I’m no longer depressed and my life has gotten better. So it is possible to feel awful, worthless and useless for many years, decades even, and to improve in both your life and your mindset. Don’t give up!
Nobody chooses mental illness, it just happens by random chance. I have been there in the land of depression and still are, but the thing is you shouldn’t think you are useless. You exist, live and breath, think and feel like a human being. You have worth as such even if you do not succeed by some arbitrary metric invented by better off people for their benefit. I know it is easier said than done but try to enjoy whatever small things you can find in this life, for us too will soon pass and be forgotten.
I’m sorry you can’t fast for Ramadan. I know it’s important. Can you maybe fast a little? What Christians do in fasting like say you don’t wanna fast all food you can fast maybe sugar. Don’t eat anything with sugar in it. That’s just an example. I don’t know how it works in Islam though.
I’m a 41 year old child… How will I EVER make a success of my life now??? With my illness crippling my mind like this? Is it my fault? Can a better attitude cure me? Am I ill through my own fault in my choices?