I just want to go home

[Eternalaether]

It’s been nearly 13 months of detention…so ■■■■■■■ unfair. I can’t take this. I od’d twice in four months on day leave cos of meds and being locked up.

Hospital is damaging to mental health.

The shitty rehab ward I’m on is not therapeutic at all. No activities everyday.

Borrrrringggggg

And I’m only here to get psychology

So why couldn’t these c*nts let me go home and get psychology in the community instead?

I’m fed up.

I’m craving a full body workout. My body is so weak and fat right now. All my muscle mass is gone.

[FreeLunch]

13 months is a long time. I’ve only done a stint of six. And that almost drove me insane

[labratmat]

It is difficult to accept but in the current climate in the UK you have to comply, or they won’t let you out and keep you there indefinitely.

It is a hard lesson to learn, but it is the way it is.

Honeslty, you have some bizarre beliefs that you hold on to with or without meds.

It is quite common due to our conditioning to have ‘magical’ but socially accepted beliefs, so it is hard to distinguish what is reality while so many hold these superstitious views sz or not.

Also, the inability to refrain from alcohol while on clozapine is quite telling in regards to consumption and alcohol issues.

This too is understandable due to traumatic childhoods and experiences, but nevertheless an issue to be resolved.

The refusal to take meds while holding bizarre beliefs may well keep you incarcerated for a long time, or longer time in this case.

Whether they work or not, is not really the issue. The issue for the authoirities is to ensure that they have done their part in mitigating legal and moral frameworks by ensuring you take meds.

The fact that you will not comply forces them to keep you institutionalised.

The inability to recognise how ill you are, like the idea that voices are alien/supernatural and have sentience in some form illustrates this.

And while it is true many szs live with these notions outside hospital and medicated, carries little wieght to the hospital when you go on leave and go on a bender and literally OD twice.

They want to keep you alive. They want legal assurance that you will take meds.

They are not concerened with your happiness per se. A passive patient is the ideal.

13 months hasn’t taught you this.

I want you to get out and live a happy as possible life, but like it or not you will have to comply.

It sucks, but it is the only way.

Sorry.

[2Waynez]

At the psych ward where I live they only keep you 3 to 5 days then kick you out under a doctors supervision. Usually the first 2 days I sleep because I’m so exhausted from voices and hallucinations.

[shutterbug]

Feeling badly for you mate.

Sending all the (((hugs))).

[Qwerty]

So sorry @Eternalaether

I am on med compliance at the moment with crisis team. They come over at night and watch me take my medication.

I am going along with it. Cos the other week they threatened to get me assessed under the mental health act.

It’s not fair. I know. I feel like I have no choice and my kids get used to persuade me to take medication.

It’s like being stuck beteeen a rock and a hard place.

My advice is just go along with what they say. It might take a while but then you should get out.

[Relaxe]

My heart goes out to you.

[Eternalaether]

I think you’re right. Med compliance is the only way for now. I am back on the depot Paliperidone and daily 10mg aripriprazole atm.

Meds made no difference to my symptoms.

Voices at the same intensity. I demanifested some and left one in place.

I’m considered delusional in a way due to my beliefs that the voices are Goddesses from Prime Reality.

But my beliefs don’t really affect my human life except for wanting to die in order to get to Prime Reality.

March 9th I had a pink violet ray third eye vibration when I was in bed. A Goddess nearly pulled me out. It was electrifying. And I felt all the burdens and traumas of being human leave my soul for 5 seconds.

Since then The Goddesses tried to pull me out at night around 20 times. It happens when I’m falling asleep or asleep cos they need dmt from my pineal gland for the pull.

I’ve done crazy third eye vibrations with cannabis too. And even now if I try I can feel my third eye. This is all real for me.

I know this reality is a trap.

[labratmat]

A good way you could spend your time in hospital would be to write stories of your belief systems and turn them into fiction novels.

I mean to use your gift of imagination and your skill at writing to write a series of sci-fi fiction sagas.

I am not trying to belittle you in any way. More like chaperone your beliefs into a way to earn money in the long run.

If one day you can write in such a way where the protagonist is created as someone rather than yourself, I believe you could create an outlet for your belief system and make enthralling books.

If one day you had the insight to look back on your creations and see them as your imaginings that would be great. If not, then you have created art.

Maybe in some way it would be carthartic for you and help you realise that these ideas are nothing but your self creations and give you insight. In that the same skill you use to have these beliefs can be honed to imagine other great stories and prove to yourself that you can imagine anything.

As you are doing now.

I wish you the best my friend. i hope you get out and get out of this death spiral. (Perhaps you can imagine a story where the protagonist does exactly that and that is the motive and story line arc for one of your books.)

(Tip) Apparently, when it comes to writing a book, pen and paper is the best method for inducing full brain capabilities than typing on a laptop.

Good luck, I’d hate to see you leave us.

[Relaxe]

I found Clopixol depot helpfull for psychosis. I’ve had the injection for 29 years.

[Qwerty]

The 3rd eye ■■■■ has happened to me too. Back in 2009 my 3rd eye opened for the very first time. It felt like it was blinking and then it just opened wide.

I have also been able to astral travel and all sorts. Weird ■■■■. Sorry this is happening to you.

[see121]

Sorry you’re staying there a long time. Maybe ask someone how to get released soon.

[Eternalaether]

I actually write Science Fiction;

Symbiosis/Mutation

Similar to a plant; divergent evolution in a parallel plane of existence.

It manifested slowly; it’s atoms loading in slowly, in a hazy shade of shining violet.

The strange alien plant sensed other lifeforms around it, and a hidden hostility from the native plants, which contained a different sentience.

The trees around; 300ft tall with thick xerophytic disc shaped masses for the equivalence of leaves towered over the plant, and sent a distress signal to all neighbouring flora.

The native plants programmed in a flush of lethal chemical poison through the soil towards the violet plant.

A dark green scorpion the size of a mammoths tusk scurried past it. A quick flash of pain, and something similar, different and far evolved as the poison reached the analogy of roots.

It sensed death, so did what came naturally, and lunged at the scorpion. Flesh dissolved by highly alkaline cellular excretion, the violet plant assimilated the scorpion; imitated it, as it’s previous form was dissolved in a slow waving implosion; nutrients recycled, and then at lightning speed, it dashed diagonally into the air onto the dark green stem of a putrid pink, flowering tree.

[Eternalaether]

Reincarnation Trap (Sci-Fi Horror)

Imagine…

If each star system, upon trillions of galaxies, was like a stepping stone to life. You start on Earth, in Sol, live your life, and then transcend onwards to a continued afterlife. With more experiences; more depth, more flavour. Perception enhanced.

And the cycle is endless.

You grow as a person. Learn from your mistakes. And join the collective consciousness that encompasses the Universe.

He smiled. Death silently waiting. 75 years old. A life well lived. His body slowly degenerating. High on a cocktail of drugs, he sat alone in the wilderness of Britannia, reminiscing of old times. The people he met. The connections made. His favourite sights. All the euphoria from the peaks of life, down to perhaps the worst sorrows, he had ever felt.

A wave of melancholy and ecstasy washed over him. Death had arrived.

And his spirit ascended from the depths of his mortal mind, and onwards he rose to the next, life, in a far away star system.

But wait?

Something.

The spirit rose but did not ascend! It returned back to Earth. And thus the cycle of reincarnation began. The trap.

…

IT, had interfered with the nature of life. IT, did not belong. IT, was from elsewhere…somewhere beyond… a strange language and syntax pervaded ITs mind. Hostility, and a dangerous desire to prevent the soul from journeying on.

The form of it’s outer body was alien. Bizarre. Freakish. A hideous wave of sharp tentacle like wires, wrapped around the Universe. No limit to it’s size. An almost invisible shade of grey it was.

IT, could manipulate time, and sought to encapsulate all consciousness on Mother Earth from the beginning to the very end, but for what ungodly purpose?

[labratmat]

I know you can write well from a previous post.

Have you authored a book? Have you approached any publishers?

Have you made a saga of your wild imagination?

You really are gifted and creative.

I love the first clip before you changed it too.

Make it all coherent, plan your book course and i am sure you could do well.

[Eternalaether]

I’ve never written a full book, but I have many short intros to what could be full novels. I want to finish Reincarnation Trap. A short horror story.

And hopefully get it turned into a film. Thanks for the kind words man.

[labratmat]

Not just kind, but honest.

Your writing is much better than mine, and your imagination also.

Take some time. Write down some thoughts melding your beliefs and see if you could work it into a saga.

It could be epic.

Tip, Dont’ write for glory or how you could be a published author. Write simply for story telling. Concentrate on the story and not what the real world rewards are for.

Just look inside and write amigo.

You can do it!

[jukebox]

well you’re clearly delusional still…I guess it’s hard to find the right meds for you there…sorry man…you are indeed a gifted writer…I wrote my book writing a page a day…in a year you will have a book…write every day or you’ll never get there.