I met my second doctor a few days ago and he updated my diagnosis from Psychosis NOS to Schizophreniform disorder and switched out anticpychotics to another one.
However I cant help but to feel like Im faking everything, stealing resources from people that are actually struggling.
Ive been reading online about some of my experiences and Ive seen that there could be more logical explenations to them esp stuff regarding hallucinations. Like hearing radio people and music could just be the brain interpeting white noise. And Ive been really scared of feeling, hearing and seeing bugs everywhere. One time I thought I had worms in my teeth from eggs that my dentist planted in my braces, and the worms would travel to my brain and kill me. My mom thinks that this could stem from some sort of PTSD because there was a point in my childhood where I was forced to walk amongs ants despite being very scared. My mom also thinks I have autism and maybe all this could be explained by autism because she read that this could occur in those with autism as well. She says I should fight the diagnosis, and I dont know what to do because my doctors have been saying one thing and my mom and online websites and forums have been saying another. Same with feeling social anxiety and hospital thinking I am bad at making facial expressions, eye contact and that I speak monotonly…
I just needed to vent I guess. Im sorry if I dont belong. I wanted to write somewhere.
I am still gonna take my meds because the last ones despite giving bad side effects, helped a bit. But I dont know how to face my doctors next time if Ive been lying.
This is a weird quirk often associated with people with psychotic disorders : They often think they are faking.
I know this is the case with some people, but I have a hard time understanding how someone can believe they are faking it without knowing. I mean, if I were to fake doing something or lied, I would know I was faking or lying for sure, not think I might be.
It’s common for schizophrenics to think they’re faking, we see it on here all the time. People who think they’re faking seem to discount or forget about years of suffering and years of symptoms. I went through it too, I thought I was making all my own symptoms and that I could stop making those symptoms at any time. I found out I was totally wrong. It’s smart that you are continuing to take your medication.
Doctors are extremely trained . They can tell the difference between making sense out of white noise and hallucinations etc. I don’t think you’re faking. Your descriptions are beyond nerves or ptsd. I have both sza and complex ptsd. I get what you’re going through. It’s not faking at all. Taking your meds lessens the effects of schizophrenia symptoms and can make you think it wasn’t really happening to you because it’s better now. But if you quit your meds, you’ll go right back to your nightmare,
It’s so common with our community as your usually not making the real associations with things. No one in their true mind would fake this stuff and it’s usually quite prominent because your stressed or manic so to speak.
Szophreniform is for early dx and time is important. There’s things like drug use that can mimic sz and related disorders. Take the meds. If side effects tell your doctor. We’ve all been there but paience with mental illness is hard. It really is.
Losing insight of our identity is one of the first to go. This is when you need to rely on the medical field and trusted friends/family to give advise. If they think you are not ill they will tell you. If you are on a treatment plan it probably means you are struggling.
I have exactly the same problem, I wrote about it on here several times, the last time was about two weeks ago. It happens to me very often that I feel like I’m faking my illness. And I’ve had schizoaffective for 27 years, diagnosis confirmed 8 years ago. It’s not a nice feeling to have but I asked my drs and over and over again they said I was definitely not faking it. My husband said maybe they can tell it by looking at your eyes. Dunno…