the truth is I must be faking psychosis so why do I need my meds?
why do I say so? because I’m trying so hard to be psychotic because it’s a gift but I’m not psychotic because I’m trying and I’m faking it it seems and that makes me a liar and a hypocrite. so to expose the lies I need to reduce my meds a little at least, gradually till the truth comes out
I’m terrified I’m a faker a liar and a hypocrite. plus, psychosis is a portal into the unseen, a gift, so I want it but wanting it makes me a liar and I don’t have it. it causes a great deal of suffering but it’s a sacrifice to save the world from Alien the evil spirit. I’m chosen to be a sacrifice, a scapegoat. I’m not psychotic so maybe I can’t be, that’s my fear, that I am what I’m not. and not what I am. maybe I’m just faking it. I’m terrified of that! so reduce my meds and see if I’m fake or not.
IDK, I don’t think you’re faking it, you’ve posted dozens and dozens and dozens of posts about your serious problems and they don’t sound like you’re lying or faking. You’ve been posting about your experiences for years, now all of a sudden you decide you were faking the whole time? I think you have truly suffered from psychosis and you have no control over it except to take your meds. Don’t stop taking your meds or you will only get worse. I mean psychosis is not something the majority of people desire and when you have it you should want out of it but deciding you’ve never had it is not the answer. Take your meds and talk to a pdoc, that is the answer. Psychosis is not a gift, it’s a curse.
Don’t be hard on yourself, this is a common symptom of sz. It doesn’t mean you’re not sick, in all likelihood it means the opposite. Don’t forget what you’ve been through in the past, it’s evidence of your condition.
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