I feel fake again. Why? Because of this

Diagnosed Sz or Sza
1

I just feel so fake. Each time my psychosis episodes end and I’m better, I feel like I lied about them and they never happened in the first place.

I feel so alone without the good spirit Sarah talking in my head. When her voice goes silent I’m sad even though the evil spirit Alien is quiet too. I’d rather have Alien talking so I can have Sarah also, than have no Sarah even if Alien is quiet. I miss them, I miss my psychosis because it means Sarah is not talking or singing to me. I feel so lonely in my head :pensive_face: then it feels like I’ve never had psychosis at all, that I was faking all along. It’s hard :pensive_face::pensive_face:

and now that I stopped my haldol (because my dr says I must increase my dopamine) and only taking amisulpride and lamotrigine and still feel ok, it just goes to show maybe I wasn’t psychotic in the first place. Fake fake fake the voice says.

2

It’s not fake. Easy to deny. But not fake.

2 Likes
3

If you faked it you wouldn’t be so worried about faking it. You’d be doing anything else. You experienced it and that’s enough.

2 Likes
4

Wow Mars that a very clever observation you have there! Thanks for the reassurance! I am worried if I’m fake so I’m not fake. I’m so glad and relieved! But still I miss the voices… Especially Sarah.

1 Like