I kind of just want to live once but i honestly dunno how to speak to ppl unless im under the impression of infinity. Lol. Does anyone else get that?
Infinity feels a bit boring. Tho.
But its just how i am.
Cant speak to ppl, (weirdly except a small few like my ex) unless im into infinity.
I also carry this guilt that i need to believe in infinity to make up for all my life mistakes!! But i dont like infinity!
Unless that changes in a years time.
Idk why u would need the impression of infinity to speak to ppl⌠unless you need to be acting out an eternal meaningful drama that otherwise in a non eternal scenario is meaningless and pointless
infinity is eternal, both. eternal infinity rather. but I believe in joy for eternity so I am not such a small person after all.
Idk..
Maybe cos if i was born into another life i would be a better person and that makes me feel calmer in the now.
I made mistakes in this life so many that idk how to compensate for it in 1 life.
@Joker seems to have guilt over imperfection too. Idk if he still hasâŚ
I dont think u are small 
Eternal joy sounds nice.
Idk how to visualise it i guess. Thats the issue
With things like AI that are highly unpredictable and perhaps also highly powerful..
So you feel more comfortable that things are indefinite, not one time only, nor only can happen once with finality of events, but just occurances in infinity with second chances etc
Reading is what helps me.
It connects me with the world and other minds.
It opens me to new ideas
It helps me grow
I highly recommend it
Especially nonfiction
A chance to redeem the accumulation of all my mistakes yea 
A chance to help ppl whom i wronged.
A chance to live without schizophrenia, body dysmorphia, trauma consequences..
But at the same time, there is something very appealing about one limited lifeâŚu know. Carpe diem i think its called?
Yeah or yolo
Yea this is good. I guess i have to stop trying to know the future, and just realise my only REAL option is to go with the flow of lifeâŚ
@FreeLunch using reading as a way to get ideas and inspiration lol
My mind is so controlling about the future.
I need to find a way to let go, and just flow.
Reminds me of a childhood dream where im sliding down a water tunnel..
I guess i still believe in eternity. Honestly cannot function without that belief.
But yea. Thanks guys!!
You are cool
Hey Zoe. Sucks that youâre feeling down.
What helped me is brain training with brainHQ.
I didnât notice (until my brain was sharper from training) that i was constantly telling myself depressing things that kept me stucknin a cycle of sorrow.
Now I choose what to think and i have more focus to ignore the voices.
BrainHQ has scientific papers proving that it helps with cognition, socializing and motivation in schizophrenics.
I have tried over 100 self help books and this is actually so much better.
Some self help books are ok, but if you donât have thinking and brain sharpness then youâre bound to be stuck.
I hope you try it
hope youâre doing ok @Zoe . You keeping hydrated? I know its hot and it can cause you to feel bad. Wishing you the best.
Im overwhwlmed by my thinking. And i have not got much motivation to dissect it.
I will go with the flow that way it comes naturally to me.
Hard to think optimistic sometimes..wen i am delusional those thoughts are powerful.
I have tried many times.
The thing is we really dunno the future so might aswell choose a good future.
No other option but to make a decision.
And believe in it to the point of knowin in some respect
Thx POET.
YEA i had 2 large iced cokes this evening
Thx for the suggestion 
my reality is cool, I love my reality, its like tv
God watching on the big screen cheering me on like I am some sort of circus clown haha (he knows Iâm joking) but yeah the puppets had his strings cut. haha
The closest belief i have to a god is our future selves loooooolâŚ
Idk man
Just prodding and poking at my brain.
I have trust issues. To believe in a seperate god u see.
well I guess trust has to be earned⌠or does it?
I think it does, all I can say is that I am thankful in a lot of respects for what I am able to do despite all the â â â â I had thrown at me.